Florence Did, So Can You!

I was speaking with someone about a challenge they were having, and all I could hear were the excuses and roadblocks they put in front of themselves. I said “they put” because they spoke like they were a victim, like these things were insurmountable AND that they had no control over any of it. After decades of leadership development and executive coaching, I cannot abide then people play the victim. Now, I do know that things happen beyond our control. That something always pops up that bites us in the fanny, or at the last minute changes by someone else sweep our process away. None of us can avoid that. I do know that we all have a choice on how we are going to react, and being a victim is not going to get you anywhere near progress or success.

I read this quote from Florence Nightingale. She was an English woman who was a social reformer and the founder of modern nursing. She had EVERY reason to play the victim, yet in her own words she never did:

I attribute my success to this –
I never gave or took any excuse.

– Florence Nightingale 1910

How would your day change, your mental health change, or even your outlook on life look if you never gave or took an excuse? If you tackled those poor-pitiful-me moments and kicked them to the curb? If you stopped coddling yourself with reasons why it’s hard and you can’t do, and just took a deep breath, held it for a minute, then looked at ways to overcome, get around, or even squash that excuse!

We have all experienced things in our life that have infused us with self doubt, loneliness, fear, anger, or even a sadness that feels unmanageable. We all have down days, dark times, tough spots and even the mornings when rolling over is the only thought for handling another day. It’s called disappointment, depression, sadness, loneliness and all too often just being an adult. All of that is normal….TOTALLY normal. We’re human after all. Things happen we cannot control and how our life progresses from that point forward is our real exercise in humanity.

As someone who has lived through things I NEVER would have imagined, it can really suck. And it took me a while and many, many, MANY years of practice to learn how to get out of the mess of life and focus on moving forward. I cannot control the mess that clutters my door. I can control how I react to it AND how I prevent manufacturing more messes. No one’s life is perfect, no matter what they post on FaceBook or stage in perfect crafted family photos on national holidays. EVERYONE has messes…not everyone wallows in them.

I do not have an easy solution or get out it or a quick suggestion here. I do have a mental tip…stop making or accepting excuses. You know when it happens and how it sounds. You know when you do it and if you do it enough it becomes a habit to make yourself feel better. Eventually all you and anyone else hears are excuses. What cure mental dullness is action. ACTION!!! Get out of bed, get dressed, brush your teeth, comb your hair (and be glad you still have hair!) and get moving. Action cures fear, and fear is the breeding ground for excuses and complacency.

Maybe today’s task is for you to just get going with no real plan, just to move forward. One foot in front of the other. One step to eat breakfast, then make it to lunch, get through an afternoon, then eat dinner and go to bed having moved a little bit. Stop giving yourself an easy out and get tough. Build your mental health by getting moving. Don’t let yourself make excuses, and do not take them from anyone else. Call them on their doo-honky by saying the word “OR!”…then let them percolate on another option.

So, let’s return back to my opening story, the person with a challenge. I listened for a few minutes , then said, “OR…….” and waited. They were puzzled. SO I waited some more and there was a LONG silence….they looked perplexed. I then said, “Or you could……” And I waited. Then they smiled. “You’re not going to take any of those excuses are you?” I smiled and said, “NOW you get it….” They smiled, were silent as they thought about their options…I sat silently….waited….and everything changed. They knew they had a path forward and they were responsible for creating and walking that path. Choose to act…Florence did, so can you!