The Most Powerful Tool You Can Employ

I created this gel print monotype during the most recent Play Date in our studio. I like the letters and the way they go from light to dark. I searched for a quote that might directly correlate to it, and found these words from Richard Benchley:

Drawing on my fine command of the
English language, I said nothing…

– Robert Benchley 1945

At times I have found myself in the situation where my personal views do not coincide with the prevailing political or personal values of the conversation. You may have experienced this as well. There have been many times when I chimed right in and went toe to toe with the originator of the discussion. I grew up with all boys – brothers and cousins – and I had to learn to defend myself using my voice as my muscles could always be bested. I am well educated, articulate AND enjoy the process of discussion and making people think. However, not everyone enjoys that process, nor do they forget when they have been verbally bested.

Sometimes the best way to handle the topic of conversation that directly offends, angers or even annoys us is to say nothing. How do I know this? After too many times of expressing my emotional responses only to realize that what I said in an emotional opposition got discounted due to my highly charged words. Sometimes silence is the best response. It may seem counter intuitive, yet when people who normally speak choose not to speak, THAT is a response.

There is great power in silence. It is a hard skill to master. I once was in a meeting with a client and they asked a question about what we could do to solve their problem. The client was VERY angry! I then felt the hand of the salesperson sitting next to me gently grab my arm under the table…I got it. Be quiet. I heeded that nudge and kept my mouth shut. The Salesperson also sat quietly. As the moments of quiet lingered, the client eventually broke the silence by stating that what they were asking us to do was out of scope and they would be willing to spend more money to fix this new issue. THAT is when I understood the power of silence.

Be it a long pause, a moment to breathe in and out, or no response at all. There is a loud, reverberating message that silence brings. It gives you time to think, time for others to think and it lets everyone know that you know better than to be embroiled in a verbal barrage of back and forth. There is very little gained other that an bolstered ego when your words ignite argument and strife. Sure, you can take the bait AND you may win; yet, what are you winning? Your pride is bigger yet your reputation may end up a bit differently than you hoped. It is the most powerful person in the room who does not speak because they choose to listen. It takes clam, composure and great personal growth to be silent when everyone is arming themselves for a fight. Does it really matter if your option does not win the room? The wisest people I know wait it out, listen, then summarize what has been said by all sides of the conversation.

So, next time you are in a conversation and want to be the leader in the room, think of this advice from Richard Benchley. Exercise your fine command of the English language and say nothing. Take the time to listen, as it is the most powerful tool you can employ.