I had to think about this quote by Nietzsche for a while, it made me think about embracing chaos in my soul. In my soul? Chaos needs to go that deeply into who I am to make a difference? Thinking about that made me a bit uncomfortable I must admit. It made me understand better my aversion to chaos being that much a part of my life.
I did some painting of moulding in our house today, which provides a lot of time to think. As I sat on the floor admits the drop cloths paint can and brushes, caulk, hammer, nails, and all the other mess I realized I was in the midst of chaos. The difference was that this chaos had a purpose. Though it may have looked like a mess each element had a purpose in my goal for the day, so it was chaos with a purpose.
So then I began thinking about chaos with a purpose, which may not seem like true chaos and yet every change we make brings with it some sort of mess. Processes change, people forget the new and fall back into the old, we have to break old habits and make new ones, and we even have to be deliberate about the things we used to do without thinking. Suddenly the chaos feels like it is everywhere like sand in your bed at the beach. You are uncomfortable and everything you do is disrupted, it is as if chaos has invaded your soul. THAT is when I understood this quote. I finally understood why I would want chaos in my soul in order to facilitate the changes I want, the changes I need and the changes I didn’t even know would be necessary for me to be the real me.
Tomorrow as I also paint moulding and doors I plan to let go of my own idea of things and embrace the chaos of the task knowing fully well that once the goal is reached my world will have a new level of beauty and peace. Which will give me more space to embrace new levels of chaos in my soul. Maybe Nietzsche is best processed while painting a room.
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