Welcome back to my monthly feature, a guest writer. Today’s post was written by Sandra Wells. Enjoy!
Honestly, I suck at this one. I apologize so much that people get mad at me for apologizing. I sometimes imagine that, when I die, hordes of people stand around and just tell stories about how nice I was to them. I have an inherent need to be seen as nice and to know that people like me.
So, imagine my surprise when I became a parent. I had NO idea that so much of parenting involved walking through a room feeling horrified while smiling like I had just won 2nd place at a local beauty pageant. (Think toddler screaming so loudly in the Whole Foods that you can see a couple of people wonder if that day will be the first time they call Child Protective Services.)
Even in moments that don’t involve children, there are countless situations that give you three choices only: 1)being perceived as nice, 2)being perceived as cool or 3)getting a need met. Pick one and good luck to ya. The truth is I feel this one as much as I ever did. I really, really care what people think and I probably always will. But now, in the moments that count, I’ve learned not to act on it.
I’m practiced at ignoring that feeling just long enough to get things done. I’ve event perfected a face that simultaneously communicates “there’s nothing to see here,” and “don’t even think about talking to me.” When things get really rough (aka, the grocery store,) I have even mastered a walk that says, “you’re just jealous of my stained t-shirt, my wet shoes, and my scrunchy with sparkles. So sorry for you hater.”
Maybe you think that’s being fake. But I think its being able to accept and understand myself in a way that allows me to make decisions independent of my feelings. And if you don’t like it, I don’t care. (well, I probably do, a little).
Sandra can be found on Instagram @wellsvsandra or at firstname.lastname@example.org