Bail Money or a Shovel?

In my ‘play’ book, I turned to a tan toned page and started creating random blocks with different ink brush pens. I had seen a similar design on tribal face paintings, so I decided to see how I might use that tribal idea with calligraphy. I actually painted the blocks many weeks ago, only this week did I find a quote from Charlotte Bronte that seemed to fit perfectly:

If we would build a sure foundation in friendship,
we must love our friends for their sakes
rather than for our own.

– Charlotte Bronte 1855

After much contemplation, I realized that I needed friends in my life who wanted to talk about more than just the recent news fad, other people, or only about themselves. So I prayed for some new friends, and an interesting thing happened. I found new people, new friends, and several of my “old” friends became better friends in a new way. I did not see things change right away, yet I shared with those “old” friends what I prayed about, and they too had prayed for the same thing. As a result, we agreed to spend time deepening our bond by focusing on where we are now and where we want to go – no matter what the world is telling us is ‘important’.

Looking back I am not sure they changed, more that I changed my thoughts and focus, my conversations and my questions. That change in my view ended up changing things. I think it’s a great lesson in the power of prayer. Be careful what you pray about as it will most likely lead to a change in your own life.

I am greatly blessed to have good friends, some of which I have known for more than thirty years. As the decades have passed, our lives have individually changed, we have each grown in different ways, and yet we are still able to focus on helping each other get better. These people have seen my ups, the downs, the highs and the lows…and love me anyway. People I love and consider what I call ‘Bail Money or a Shovel’ friends. These are people I can call at any hour and tell them I need either bail money or a shovel…they will show up, no questions asked. It was not always that way. It took time spent together, tough times endured, hard conversations and a willingness to love them on their terms and not trying to change them into the person I think they should be…there’s a hint there! My hope is that my presence in their lives helps them become who they want to become…no matter who that ends up being.

Great friendships require a solid foundation. One built on mutual respect, individual differences and the willingness to invest time, energy and money into knowing each other at a deeper level. It’s not all about dinners out or movies seen. It’s about daring to be real, showing when your mascara runs, and not worrying about the mess you made on their sweater you borrowed. Praying for new friends changed me, changed my perspective AND more importantly led me to better, stronger relationships in my life. My hope for you is that you have or develop bail money or a shovel friends…and more importantly that you are willing to be that friend first.