During one of my coaching conversations, my client reminded me of this quote from Carl Jung. It made me pause and realize that yes, indeed the things that irritate us most in others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. SO very true. I call it the pet peeve indicator light. What we most complain about in the people in our lives sheds a great deal of light on our own idiosyncrasies. HHHmmm…our complaints shine a bright light on ourselves…who knew?
I was speaking with another client, and they “went off” when I mentioned the words pet peeve…I mean WENT OFF! She had a grocery list of to do and not to do items for most of the people in her life. I clocked her and she spoke for nearly ten minutes about the list This let me know she definitely had a pet peeve indicator light. It was blinking bright red and never turned off! I listened patiently and eventually got a few words in. I reflected back to her what her pet peeve indicator light was telling me. She was stunned! She went silent. She then composed herself, sniffled, and said, “I never thought about what that list must sound like to other people, let alone the people I am talking about.” There was more silence. I let that settle in for a few moments to give her time to ponder.
As I waited, I thought about my own pet peeve list. How big was it? To whom did it apply? And what does it reveal about me? Then I thought about the people in my life where I had made their pet peeve indicator go red – sometimes bright red! Because as we all know, people bug us and trip our triggers and we do the same for them, not always in a good way. It was at this moment that I was reminded that working and coaching others has a huge impact on me as well. I am humbled and learn, reminded and “coached” by my clients every day. And I too have a pet peeve indicator light…
We are humans after-all. And being humans we have to learn how to deal with other humans. People stretch us, confuse us, set off our pet peeve indicators AND we set off theirs. Relationships are about give and take, kindness and forgiveness, being open, honest and freely giving people room to let us down and then giving them the grace to try again. After-all, who wants to go through life with a fully lit pet peeve indicator all the time? Whew, that would be exhausting.
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