I had a conversation with a woman who was fighting off a nervous breakdown. She had grown up in a troubled family and suffered multiple forms of addiction. She had been clean for decades, worked hard to maintain her sobriety, and was pondering where she was going at this stage in her life. “When I was younger, all I wanted was the life I have today – a home, job, children, a husband – it was my dream. Now that I am here, I am not sure I want it anymore.” All I could think about was this quote from George Bernard Shaw:
There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get what your heart desires. The other is to get it!
– George Bernard Shaw 1950
We spend so many years dreaming, thinking, hoping that our lives will turn out a certain way. When it does, too often people hit a wall and wonder, “Is this all there is to life?” No matter what it is you want to accomplish, working hard to get it provides a sense of adventure, accomplishment, even satisfaction. It means having that moment when you stand still, absorb the quiet and realize you have everything you ever wanted. THAT is not the real challenge. Getting there, reaching our own definition of success makes life worth getting up each morning.
Once we have it, the REAL CHALLENGE bubbles up. It is not getting what you want that makes life grand, it is wanting what you have once you have it that REALLY determines happiness. Like that woman, once we “arrive” life can feel boring, stagnant or even dreadful.
We are fickle creatures aren’t we? Work hard to get what you want, then complain, get bored or even dread getting out of bed to live the life you worked so hard to build. Strange!?! We could chalk it up to not having more goals, or to our consumptive, next big thing culture, or even our short sightedness. Or we could give ourselves credit for getting what it is we wanted AND then take delight in actually reaching our goal. Somehow we forget to savor success, to relish in our moments of accomplishment. We too quickly move on to keep up with whomever or whatever drove us towards reaching our goals. Then we have people ask us, or our brain says, “So what’s next?”
Shaw was right – at least for that woman – getting what she wanted was her second life’s tragedy. She ended up dismantling the life she had built in hopes of a better one somewhere else. People were hurt, lives were changed, and she moved forward hoping that the something new would bring her satisfaction. I watched it happen and paid heed. I took inventory of my own life and celebrated the gaining of my heart’s desires AND slowed down to savor those accomplishments. Then, I set new goals different goals, ones which did not require me to dismantle or destroy what was already built.
Whichever tragedy you are chasing – getting your heart’s desire or wanting it once you get it – both can feel overwhelming. Let me encourage you to take a deep breath, savor the battle or the victories (which ever applies) and give thanks that you have the life you’ve worked so hard to build. Everyone struggles with getting, wanting, having and appreciating…not always in that order. No one has it all, all the time, because life ebbs and flows. Appreciating and giving thanks for what you do have goes a long way towards mental and physical health…so take another deep breath and give thanks.
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