I was in a meeting recently. Afterwards I asked a person who did not speak much if they were ok. They said, “I was staying silent so as not to offend anyone as my opinion would not have fit into the discussion. I didn’t want people to get upset, so I was being tactful.” HHHmmm?!? That afternoon I found this quote about silence and tact which explained that they “may or may not be the same thing“. It helped me understand what that person thought they were doing, when in reality it also explained what they were not actually accomplishing.
In the land of communication, silence is a great tool. It gives us space to listen and absorb what we are hearing. Silence tells people we have no words to express what we want to say, we have nothing to add, or maybe it lets them believe we are thinking. And as my parents taught us, if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all…so silence may mean, “There is no good thought in my head and I don’t want that coming out of my mouth.” Silence also prevents us from expressing our valuable opinions to help other people think. Keeping silent is not a great way to avoid conflict – it only builds up and eventually becomes hard to tear down. Eventually if we want to be heard, we have to voice our ideas and thoughts for others to understand.
Tact is knowing how to use words to best express an opinion that people may need to hear, in a way they can understand and accept. Tact is making the harsh more palatable. Tact means using fewer words to express complicated thoughts in order to get them across easily. And tact is telling people the truth without being demeaning. The truth can be hard to hear. Just like an opposing opinion or value that does not fit into the conversation may be EXACTLY what that conversation needs.
Silence, tact, conversations, thoughts, ideas, opinions – so much to share and so many ways to do it. Living and working with people means listening, absorbing, hearing what they say then acting accordingly. Changes in behaviors, signs of respect for an opposing viewpoint, courtesy and lack of sarcasm tell people we care enough to listen even if we do not agree with them. If we only communicate with people who always agree with us, chances are our world will be rather small, narrow, one flavored and get kind of dull. It is the process of sharing our ideas and listening to those who think differently from us which makes us grow, value and learn about what we think and how it may need to change, grow or stay exactly the same. Silence does not add value in that segment of communicating with others.
Next time you are in a conversation, meeting, or discussion where you think your opinion may not “fit in” think again. Pause, listen again, then engage your sense of personal courage and share your thoughts. Maybe your opinion is EXACTLY what the group or people need to help them grow, understand and advance their own ways of thinking. It doesn’t mean they have toe agree, it simply means that you think your opinion is important enough to add to the conversation. Get your ideas across with tact and leave silence to the movie theaters….which is the only place no one wants to hear anyone’s opinions.
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