These words have haunted me, making me rethink many interactions I have had over the years. Here is what Maya Angelou said:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
I have realized that people do show you who they are. Unfortunately, we often chalk their habit, behavior, attitudes or beliefs up to something else. We excuse it, discount it or fail to want to see that they are showing their true self. Instead we see what we want to see.
Then they show us their true self again, somewhere down the road. And we are surprised and overwhelmed that they could be that way. Forgetting that their behavior is consistent with what we have seen before, and NOW we understand. We are hurt or disappointed, because we chalked that behavior up to something else, something easier to swallow.
So when I read this quote, I understood. The other person was only being who they are. It was my mistake in how I interpreted their “showing me” their true self. Now I get it AND can see the pattern in our interactions over the years. Shame on me for not listening or believing in their true self. Shame on me for being disappointed. And shame on me for expecting something better, different, something more like what I wanted instead of accepting and understanding them.
Now my job is to take the time to believe them the first time. To understand. To be honest with myself and them, even if their behavior is not what I wanted or expected. It is who they are and the more I embrace that the less likely I am to be disappointed in the future. The more I can handle the way I behave to maintain or build the relationship moving forward.
Thank you Maya for these wise words. It is now our job to put them to good use.
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