Trying to Find Gold in a Silver Mine

I was working with a leader recently who was very frustrated with one of their employees.  They saw so much potential in them and knew they could do more than they were currently delivering. The leader had conversation after conversation after conversation with the employee trying to convince them to try harder. The leader’s greatest frustration was trying to figure out how to get the employee to do what they wanted them to do.

As leaders we can encourage people, believe in people, guide them, direct them, we can even take time to teach and develop them. We do not have the power to make into them something they do not want. As leaders we need to know when to encourage and when to stop. Not everyone wants or needs to be a rock star. Not everyone wants to grow or move up. Not everyone wants to learn or be in charge, or change jobs, or even work harder. Some people simply want to do their job and go home. For some people doing a job that is expected and doing it well is enough. They do not desire or want more.

As I was driving today I heard an Elton John song with the lyric, ‘like trying to get gold from a silver mine’…and it hit me. THAT is what the leader was trying to do with the employee. They were pushing their own agenda and wanted the employee to do more simply because the leader thought they should or could. Leadership is not about pushing anyone, it is about bring out the best in people which means listening to their wants, needs, and desires. If you ask them people will tell you what they want. As leaders we need to listen not only to what they are saying, we need to listen to what they are not saying.

When we spend our energy and time trying to get gold from a silver mine, we get frustrated, the object of our efforts gets turned off, and we both leave accomplishing nothing. It is important to know people…know what they want, what they don’t want, how hard they are willing to work, and when they simply want to go home. We may believe they can do more, the question is do they want more? Do they have a goal that is along the path in which you are pushing? Or do their desires and dreams lead them in another direction? Think of it this way.  Most parents want their children to be happy and healthy; yet the child may continue to make different choices and travel down a divergent road. It is painful to watch as the parent knows where that road may lead, or may not agree or understand what lies ahead. We cannot save people from themselves or protect or push them towards their decisions. They have to choose, learn, and choose again. We have to allow them to live their lives the best way they know how.

Next time you think someone has potential, take a moment to ask them what they want. Listen to what they say and what they don’t say. Find out what is important to them, and be patient. You may be able to see the gold within, they may not be able or willing to go that direction. Gold may not be important to them. Leadership is about bringing out the best in people in a way that helps them reach their goals and believe in themselves.