When we were growing up we learned to ice skate on Bessler’s Pond. It was the neighborhood hang out once the ice froze over. Kids gathered from all over the area to skate, play hockey, sled and most of all just be kids. There were usually very few adults, so we kids had to navigate the events and activities ourselves. We organized the hockey games, skating ‘competitions’ and any other cold weather games like crack the whip or speed trials. When my brothers were there we steered clear of each other. No self respecting teenage boy wants his little sister hanging around. So I did my thing and they did theirs. Somehow it all worked itself out. Conflicts were resolved or someone went home. Rules were respected or someone went home. One game ended and another began until it was dark which meant everyone had to go home.
On that pond I learned independence and how to interact with the neighborhood kids. I learned how to resolve conflict because no one really wanted to go home, so you figured it out. I learned the pecking order of children, pre teens, teenagers, brothers and brother’s friends. Of course that all went out the window if either of my brothers saw a girl they liked on the pond. I learned how to follow instructions, be responsible and get home before dinner, and I learned how to respect the public area so everyone could enjoy the pond. We lived near that pond all my childhood and I visited it every winter. The big anticipation was if the park district had confirmed the ice hard enough to skate. Once that news spread through the neighborhood, let the games begin. New kids, old kids, fat kids, skinny kids, nerdy kids or athletes, practiced skaters or novices all learned how to navigate life and the neighborhood on Bessler’s Pond. Somehow it worked, and if it didn’t you simply went home.
I feel sorry for children today as they will not have the opportunity to learn about themselves or others in this manner. It is a different world and one in which childhood has been robbed of it’s freedom. Kids don’t get to be kids very much anymore. They are scheduled and escorted, parents regulate and enforce all their activities. Their interactions with other kids are inside revolving around technology and no one has the life lesson of figuring out where they fit in this thing called life. Their every action is posted on social media and their conflicts are resolved by parents or coaches.
This holiday season dare to allow your children to learn a few things without being there. Let them interact with others without technology in their hands. Let them figure it out, resolve the rules of the games, and let them navigate how to ‘play’ with siblings when it really isn’t cool. Someday your children will grow up and need to be able to do these things for themselves. Better they learn it now than when it becomes a performance issues at work.
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