Not as Bad as I Used to Be

I was cleaning out some old files and found a CD that had shots of my work. I must have stored these photos for a show or festaival as part of an entrance submission. I remember creating this work, and I remember the doubt and anxiety I had in submitting my work to a panel of unknown jurors. I do not remember if I was accepted into whatever it was, so the work will have to be my reminder. 

My first calligraphy teacher gave me a piece of advice at the end of class once we had produced our first real piece. He told us that no matter how awful we think this piece of work is, always keep it. Then when you doubt your skills and abilities you can look back on your very first piece and see how much your work has grown. I took his advice and have kept my first awful work in a flat file drawer. Over the decades I have looked at it to remind myself of what he said, my work has progressed and I am not as bad as I used to be. 

One of the challenges I have when I see earlier work is I know where all the flaws are located. I instantly go to the things I would do differently instead of praising the things I did well at that time. I see what could have been done instead of the quality of the work I did produce. I think we all struggle with giving ourselves credit for what we have learned instead of focusing on what we should have done. The person we were then is not the same person we are now. In our current state we are older, wiser, more experienced, and hopefully better at creating whatever it is we create. Looking back reminds us that time is a gift and if we use it to our advantage we will be shocked and amazed at the person we will grow into. 

I have applied that same lesson to other chosen areas of my life. I found a copy of an early resume and had to laugh – boy was I ever inexperienced compared to where I am now. The things I have been blessed to be able to work on and completed has been quite an adventure. If you had asked me when I was younger if I thought I would accomplish the things on my current resume, I probably would have laughed and said no way. I would not have been able to imagine or believe that I would be able to do what I have done. And I would not have imagined that I could run my own company and art galleries. 

So give yourself a break. Remember your earlier work and be glad you have grown and improved. Know that no matter how awful you think your work is now – no matter what you do – it is not at all as basic as the work you created five or ten years ago, or maybe even work you did last month. We are all improving everyday if we let ourselves, and we ar not as bad as we used to be…go forth and grow, learn, and improve.