The Challenge of Sharing a Meal

In all cultures we bond through food and drink. Where you eat, what you eat, how you eat it, and with whom you enjoy it all says a great deal about you and your values. In some places you slurp, in others you chew quietly. In some cultures you serve others first, and in most any place when invited to a meal you eat what is put before you no matter what. It might not seem like a big deal to eat strange foods, but what if you have a food allergy that could cause you real harm? If you eat it, you may get very sick or even die…yet to insult your host could prove to be detrimental. The challenge of sharing a meal can cause a true dilemma in many ways. 

Shortly after we were married, my husband was diagnosed with food allergies. Some are more severe than others. We learned very quickly to read labels and stay away from certain ingredients. When he ate the foods his system could not digest, the consequences could prove very uncomfortable. He enjoys cooking, so he has learned how to prepare things that will keep us both in good health. I never appreciated the challenge of food restrictions or alternative diets – vegetarian, vegan, sugar or gluten free – until I began making similar choices. We cannot avoid eating, it keeps us alive. We can’t always know what went into what we are about to eat, so we have to make careful choices. 

So how do you navigate the challanges of food allergies and not wanting to offend those who prepare your food? It isn’t always possible to let people know about your circumstances, and not everyone thinks to ask. If we bond with people over food, when do you drop the news about what you can and cannot consume? No one wants to be the wet blanket on a beautiful dinner. No one wants to refuse a kindness shown through food. No one wants to go hungry or deny themselves the life giving joy of eating, and yet for many people food is not always their friend. 

I am aware now that not everyone can enjoy a meal without fear. I have also learned how to ask the right questions so those who we dine with are not put in a position to eat in fear. Not everyone wants anyone to know about their digestive woes, they have learned to navigate the culinary world in safety. Others are ok to let you know about their digestive needs or choices, and they have learned how to communicate their preferences so others can understand. Others wear their food preferences or choices like a badge they wear with pride, or devotion, cynicism or judgement. It is not always easy to be able to tell which is which, you simply need to ask. Next time you dine, ask those you will be sharing the meal with if they have a choice, need, or preference in where or what you eat. That simple moment of kindness will pave the way towards a mutual relationship that may last for years, no matter what is served.